第三百七十四章 她的坟墓
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他感觉自己掉.入.了一个深.渊，很久之前曾经有过这样的一次感觉，
在他的脑海里是那么的.深.重，
这分明是一节在地下通行的地轨，
他环顾四方，从它的第一节往另一头看去，一个人影都没有看到，那就更加做实了他的想法，
‘我来错了地方，为什么会来到了这个地方？’
沈杰想起自己前一刻明明是跟着若琳一家人一起跳.入.的这个地方，可为何她们进.入.的是一个几米长宽的地下空间，
而我一.脚.就踏.入.了地轨中，来到了这个熟悉而又恐怖的地下空间。
这里的空气还是那个.味，或许是前一次来过这个地方，他反而此时能心平气和一些的呆在位置上，
也就心平气和一些，他是不可能做到就那么舒.服的坐在这个地方，
空气里充斥着暴.虐.的气息，
外面浓.厚的更多，
他为自己亲身经历过这里发生的一切而感到庆.幸，不做无力的尝.试，宁愿多坐在这个地方，想着一些虚无缥缈的功法。
如果从风景的角度，这一路上的很多人都喜欢站在车头的位置，看前方灯光闪烁的地方，那个轨道的前方快速的出现在前方，
“没有来这边看。”她此时就坐在这个十五号线的车尾，
晚上9点十三，
多么熟悉的一个时间，
她每次看到这个三字，就想到了自己.悲.催.的人生，
‘别人是三，离开的意思，我是前途和命运完全不属于我自己了。’
我在这个城市里，刚毕业没多久的一个硕士生，
每天都过着朝9晚八点半的生活，我多么多么的希望，这一切根本就不曾发生，
以前从没想过会有这样的经历，就因为我导师和那个博导关系不好，就这样无.情.的将我从学术生涯中打了下来，
作为一个.女.生，读博并不一定是人生最好的安排，
但是没有人知道我从小经历过什么，
那个年代，这个国.家.有多穷.困，我的生活糟.糕到几年内搬了好几个住处，
流.浪的人，随着挣不到钱的父.母，屈.辱，没有人看得起我。
她清楚的记得那个黑夜里，那房梁上的甲壳虫从房梁上掉下来，掉到了她的脸上，
她的手.摸.过去的时候，那东西在她的手里蠕.动.的特别快，
把她吓.得，当时她还那么的小，父亲一开灯，
整个家里的水泥地上还有没来得及躲起来的多只黑色的大.虫.子在飞快的爬来爬去的，
跟着他们从来没有过过好日子。
她只能靠自己，所以一个努力的、向上的季钰就这样从初中开始一直努力到了硕士，
然后在读.博之前遇到了一个比她差了不知道多少的外校的，成功的把她挤.出了博士圈，
如果是按照这个社会等级来说：也是挤出了精英圈。
甚至在她都不知道何为晋升快、何为绩效的情况下，她.草.草.的进.入.了这么一家私企，
互联网公司，
但工资并不高，
一样的要加班，
可月新为何只有7000多一个月，
还要她一整天的从坐在凳子上的那一刻起就要不停的敲.键盘，
不到半年的时间，她以前从来没有想过的鼠.标.手就这样毫不客气的来了，
眼睛看东西也有飞.蚊.乱.飘，
她感觉自己学不到东西，重复性的工作，还有再熬半年才能涨到的一万多一个月。
她一天都不想.干，更何况是在这个公司多待一天，没有一天是高兴的，
从早上跨.出大门的那一刻起，她的心就已经自我封.闭起来了，
在这个特.大.城市里，这个工资，再加上这么的熬.人，
将近几个月的心情淤.积，让她的身.体已经出现奔.溃的征兆，
她很清楚自己比以前越来越容易累了。
不会有人来帮自己的，
她昨天看到了她那个在事业单位工作的师姐竟然结.婚了，
‘她怎么会结.婚呢！’
一个在季钰的眼里连男.朋友都没有的大师姐忽然间发生这样的事情，
季钰就觉得那个女.人从此摆脱了和自己一样的困.境。
‘呵！是我的一厢.情.愿。’
‘人家工作找的多好，而我为什么就信公司工资会高。干.了都不属于我自己专业的行业。’
为了满足基本的生存，她不得不熬.下去，
在多少个夜晚想到这一切她心里有多么的痛苦，在被.逼.着无奈的情况下，未来唯一可以做.的就是自.杀，
想过多少次了，也尝试过了很多次，每次拿着刀子在手.腕.上轻.划.过去，一条白.痕，已经很.疼.人了，
要是有早上刚离开家门时的决绝于世，或许早就成功了，
她一直如此的坚信过，只有自.杀可以一了百了的结束现在的一切。
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